WardBunny of the Dump (like Stig of the dump only less clean)

I am living in a tip. The flat is a tip.

And none of it is mine. I've been away for ages and in the meantime people have been moving out and moving in (we should have replaced the front door with a revolving door). Unfortunately when people have moved out they forgot to take say the contents of the freezer or the stuff in the shower. We now have more bottles sitting around the shower than on the shelves in Morrison's. However the cooker is covered in someone else's dirty pots. I can't actually cook anything. The oven's manky, the hob is otherwise occupied, the microwave is a health hazard and there is a pile of plates trying to make their way to the door from the sink.

My room is a mess but at least I created all of that. None of the kitchen / shower mess is mine. I can't make anyone clean it but I spend my days helping and cleaning up after other people so I'm not doing it at home.

So I've come up with a few helpful notes to put up around the place.

• If it's yours, keep it in your room.
• Lights don't turn themselves off.
• Neither your mother nor the cleaning fairy lives here so clean up yourself.
• If you don't move your crap it's going in the bin.
• Everyone uses this room, not just you.
• Socks don't live on the dining table.
• I'm not the postman; redirect it yourself.

Any better suggestions? I'm not moving out but I can't live on junk food forever!